R U M I N A T I O N S

I read about The Stockdale Paradox in the book ‘Good to Great’ by Jim Collins. Although in the book, it is mainly applied to companies, it has implications in our lives too. But, before that, what is the 'Stockdale Paradox'?

The name refers to Admiral Jim Stockdale, who was the highest ranking United States military officer in the “Hanoi Hilton” prisoner-of-war camp during the height of the Vietnam war. Tortured over twenty times during his eight year imprisonment from 1965 to 1973, Stockdale lived out the war without any prisoner’s rights, no set release date, and no certainty as to whether he would even survive to see his family again. He shouldered the burden of command, doing everything he could to create conditions that would increase the number of prisoners who would survive unbroken, while fighting an internal war against his captors. After his release, Stockdale became the first three-star officer in the history of the navy to wear both aviator wings and the Congressional medal of Honor.

Stockdale had unshakable faith that he would get out, prevail in the end and also turn the experience into the defining event of his life. When questioned as to which prisoners didn’t make out, he replied that the optimists didn’t make out. He explained that the optimists would say, ”We’re going to be out by Christmas”. Christmas would come and go. Then they’d say,” We’re going to be out by Easter”. Easter would come and go and then Thanksgiving and Christmas again. They died of a broken heart.

He said, “ This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end- which you can never afford to lose- with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be”.

Life is unfair- sometimes to our advantage, sometimes to our disadvantage. We will all experience disappointments and crushing events somewhere along the way, setbacks for which there is no “reason”, no one to blame. It might be disease; it might be injury; it might be an accident; it might be losing a loved one; it might be getting shot down over Vietnam and thrown into a POW camp for eight years. What separates people, Stockdale said, is not the presence or absence of difficulty, but how they deal with the inevitable difficulties of life. In wrestling with life’s challenges, the Stockdale paradox ( you must retain faith that you will prevail in the end and you must also confront the most brutal facts of your current reality) has proved powerful for coming back from difficulties not weakened, but stronger.

Something to mull over, isn’t it?

The day had begun badly. To put it more accurately, the week had begun on a sour note. A nagging shoulder pain was a source of bother every waking moment. I had to meet a client in town involving travel by the crowded local train. Since I had got up late, the only way to make it in time was by catching the super densely packed fast local.

There was enough crowd on the platform to fill up two empty trains. When the train rolled in, people were projecting out of it like over ripe fruits on a tree. I managed to wedge in one foot and, as the train started, the crowd behind me ensured that I was more inside the train than outside. With one hand on the handle, I tried to slowly drag my body forward. Part of me moved forward while the leg remained where it was. By the time I got my entire body in alignment, I lost the grip on the handle.  It didn’t matter as there was no space to fall. People behind me were shouting at us to move forward. Everyone was pushing everyone else in a bid to make space where there was none.

There was certain crush equilibrium between stations but as soon as a station neared, passengers who wanted to get down made superhuman effort to squeeze past rigid bodies. At any moment, my body was pummelled from all sides as I adjusted and readjusted my posture to either give way or close a gap. The smell of unwashed hair assaulted my nose as I tilted my head at an awkward angle to avoid their taste.  Even when there was just space for a hand, an entire body tried to squeeze past. It was all done in good spirits as people wiggled, pushed, pulled, resisted, turned, twisted, grimaced as needed to allow people to get in or get out.

Finally, the train reached its destination. Even before it could halt, people rolled on to the platform like tightly packed balls that are suddenly released.  As I regained my balance, I shook myself like a wet dog. I was supposed to have aches all over my body but somehow, strangely, I felt better. It took me a while to identify the reason until it suddenly struck me. My shoulder pain had completely gone.

Our guest blogger today is 10 year old Samyukta. She is answering the question, 'Who do you think is better, boys or girls and why?'

Here is her uncensored, unedited response.

I always feel that of course girls are better than boys. Girls are threatened so much, especially in India, but still they don’t lose their confidence or strength. Suppose, girls do some mistake they are shouted and sometimes beated also. It’s like a crime. But if the boys do the same thing people say there is no problem.

I am really against the systems like the sati system in which the women have to burn themselves in the funeral pyres of their husband. If the woman don’t go, then the relatives push them inside the fire and they get burned. After marriage the bride has to leave her family and friends and go to a new place. I can imagine how painful it will be. But people think girls are not at all intelligent and strong.

I like girls because most girls are sweet, beautiful, kind and sensitive. They also have the power to protect themselves from the atyachar (threatening) of the boys. There is an upcoming word- balathkar (rape) which I don’t like at all. In earlier days, girls could not go to school and had to work all the day and housewives have to hear a lot from the saas (mother-in-law). From all these things I can conclude that the way to the girl’s success is full of sharp needles.

I will tell you a poem:

Girls, jab life ho out of control
To saas ke data ko rok ke bol
I am the best! 

Here is a joke I read recently. The monk told the sandwich vendor to make him one with everything. The monk hands over a $20 bill in return for his deck sandwich and waits for the change. He waits for a long time. But, when finally, he asks for it, he’s politely informed that “change comes only from within”.

I remember an incident when I purchased some film rolls and handed over a 500 rupee note to the shopkeeper. He gave me the change and, as I was in a hurry to buy tickets for a train journey, I rushed to the ticket counter nearby. Standing in the queue, I leisurely counted the change given by the shopkeeper and realized that there was a mistake.

I rushed back to the shopkeeper and told him that there was a mistake in the amount of change given by him. His countenance changed, he became wild and started saying that he never makes a mistake, people like you are out to cheat us, you should have counted the notes before you left the shop, there is no way I am going to entertain you, you think you can easily fool me, I am not going to fall into your trap, what do you think of yourself and he went on and on. He paused only when he noticed that I was just standing there looking at him without reacting. I took advantage of the pause to tell him,

“But, bhaisaheb, you have given me 100 rupees extra”

It was a treat to watch his reaction as he had to suddenly change from a very angry victim to a grateful person. He did not know where to look and sheepishly accepted the note.

Why did he react the way he did? In my view, there are basically two kinds of people with two different basics approaches to people, mainly strangers. More about these two approaches in the next post.

Last Sunday morning, a small group of us went for trekking in the hills near our residence. It is a short 30-45 minutes trek before you reach one of the peaks. Later on, I sat down to note some parallels between the trekking journey and spiritual seeking.

We are at the base of the mountain and we can climb up from anywhere. There are many paths and we can even create our own paths.  We did both as we started at one place only to lose our path. We kept on climbing by instinct, negotiating steep rocks and treacherous footholds on the steep gravel, encouraging each other always ensuring that we were going higher and higher.

In the spiritual field too, there are many paths. While some swear by I Ching, others extol the virtues of the Art of Living. Some go for Vipassana while others make the annual pilgrimage to Sabarimala. Some are regulars for the weekly prayer at the Church and others try to copy Ramdev Baba on TV.

The path that we were on was unusually steep and filled with detours. Sometimes, the stone on which we kept our foot gave away or the branches we relied upon got uprooted. Nevertheless, we clambered on until we suddenly came across a clearing. Some minutes later, we had reached the top. A gentleman who had been watching us from the top remarked that we seemed to have deliberately taken the most difficult route to the top. Later on, it occurred to me that we had not chosen our path.

The path had chosen us.

In spiritual circles too, though we think that we are choosing a particular path, the fact is that the path is chosen for us. We are attracted to a path depending on exactly what we need at that particular stage in life. Certain colorful personalities make it through the Osho path, some get disappointed and move to the Krishna bhakti path or the way of Advaita.  Many jostle on the highways of temples and rituals, fasts and feasts.

So, in effect there is no better path, higher path or lower path. In fact, for many, the right path today may be to just drift along without any path. Yet, the characteristic of many paths is that people become attached to the path claiming that theirs is the only path to ultimate freedom. On our way back from the climb, we came across an acquaintance who insisted that the way he came up was the right way for us to go down. We ignored him and went in search of our own path.

A corollary of the above is that people try to lure you into their path. On the mountain, a gentleman filled with a spirit of holiness shouted ‘Bole re Bole’. We were engaged in our own unholy chatter and thoroughly ignored him. Somewhat offended, he stopped us and smilingly insisted that unless we repeat after him ‘Bum bum bole’, he will not let us proceed. Without any trace of holiness, we heartily complied. Such small advertisements are fine and fun but when someone insists that unless we do the Part 1 Basic course, we and our grandchildren are doomed to hell, it is time to run in the opposite direction.

It is difficult to say which is the best part of trekking. The slow, tough climb towards the top with parched throat and weary limbs or the swift, careful climb down with strategic application of brakes. Yet, one of the highlights is when you are sitting at the top with vast open spaces around, a lake in the distance, a gentle breeze all around and cold water guzzling down your throat….

I don’t know if there is any parallel to this in the spiritual field as I am still on the journey.

The only thing I can say with certainty is that, with good company, the trekking journey itself becomes a spiritual journey.

Our guest blogger today is the lovely Jasmine Koshy. She has done her MBA in Finance and lives in the suburb of Vasai. She recounts her recent experience with Vipassana Meditation during a 10 day retreat at Igatpuri in Maharashtra. During the retreat, she met Varsha Panicker (VP) and Krishnaveni (KV).

For a few wayward moments, a strange desire often surfaced deep within me to let myself lose in a serene secluded place on earth;  to roam around free in order to step into and discover a whole new world of tranquility.

That is when I came across a new term “Vipassana” meditation. It appealed to me because I love talking and it seemed like a challenge to not talk for ten days-Noble Silence. I also thought that Vipassana would be good detoxification - physically, emotionally and mentally. I read that Vipassana is an observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion.

Contemplating all this, I decided to attend this meditation course conducted at Igatpuri-Nashik, Maharashtra which is the head quarters of Vipassana Research Institute started by Sayagi S. N. Goenka. This unique center provides a serene-sublime environment for a deep dip inside for the exploration of mind-body phenomenon. I wanted to stay alone as this is my own journey ; I need to walk alone on this path. Alas, this was not to be.

Nevertheless, the management team advised me to check out my room mate as she was quite sure that I will learn a lot from this room partner ; would enjoy the stay with her. I wondered why she told this to me…because it’s supposed to be a deep silent meditation technique without any communication with each other, then how am I going to learn something when we have to act dumb and deaf to each other.

I would like to relate my encounters with some of the people during and after the meditation course.

1. My room mate-VP: I stepped into my room with a conviction that; if nothing else, at least I’m going to learn to share a room with a stranger for 10 days. When I met my room partner, I really liked her at the first meeting itself. Felt some strange connection with her. From day one evening, we all went into Noble silence & stopped communicating. Days went by and somehow I felt that the silence is killing most of us around; as we are not used to making silence within ourselves ; that too for so long.

One day, I noticed many meditators wandering here and  there alone …some looking up to the sky, some to the trees and birds, some looking at the beautiful mountains. I saw VP rushing out - her prominent eyes looking up to the sky and a broad 70 mm smile displayed on her face …. I too ended up looking in the same direction and couldn’t believe my eyes “Omg!!! It was a helicopter….I mean just a helicopter”.

Next I imagined VP taking a scarf, waving, signaling and screaming out to the helicopter guys for help to save her from this deserted island where she has got lost perhaps due to some kind of shipwreck or plane crash.

On the tenth day, we broke our silence and spoke like chatterboxes on almost everything under the sun. She is really a sweetheart and we spoke till 2 a.m. Next day we had to bid goodbye, there were slight tears in my eyes, felt like giving her a hug, but then we need to be equanimous ….this is what we learnt at Vipassana. So we parted ways happily. I learned one thing “Silence speaks a lot”.


2. VP’s hubby (PP): I had a brief talk with him... he seemed like a very practical person kind of atheist at times I guess, but of course a genuine human being.

3. KV: The girl next door ….or the lady next door …an extremely talented person. With her deceptive looks I mistook her for a corporate lady but to my surprise she turned out to be a housewife. She always says she has the heart of a 25 year old & I am supposed to address her and her friends by their names; dare not use any add-ons for respect. After Vipassana I am also in regular touch with her and her hubby (SV): “An artist working at IBM”….this is what I refer to him. His artistic talent is truly commendable.


4. SN: -Last but not the least of course- the heroic entry of SN. I often heard compliments about him from VP and KV. I was curious to know more about this person. It so happened that SN turned out to be the expert CV builder who modified my CV and when I read the summary written by him in my CV, I couldn’t help but ring him up to thank him for his kind gesture. As far as I could understand him from his talks and through his blogs, I am sure Samu can always say one thing “The greatest gift I ever had, Came from God; And I call him Dad!”

Excerpt from the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad:

“We are what our deep, driving desire is, so is our will. As our will is, so is our deed. As our deed is, so is our destiny.”

All in all, this entire journey was a very important and valuable time for me again! Rewarding in so many aspects....learning the technique of Vipassana meditation camp; at the same time my encounter with so many talented people. The bliss and tranquility that I got from it, I am grateful to the course and I must continue to practise it for the rest of my life and for that, I must continue to meditate daily.

Will it be a tall order? Only time can tell. At the end of the day when I look back, I can always say “All is well”.

No wonder the management team’s prediction came true.

May all beings be happy!

It is a cliché to say that children today are smarter than the earlier generation. It is seen to be true in most fields, but especially in technology. Children are exposed to a bewildering range of new devices such as the cellphone, computers etc. As a parent it is difficult and almost impossible to keep a determined child from being addicted to technology.

Thankfully, so far, Samu isn’t into video/internet games in a big way. She can search Google on her own. She can play music. She watches carefully and then intuitively picks up how to do most of the complicated steps. Now, she wants an email id. Some of her peers are said to have Facebook, Orkut and Twitter accounts.

Professor Susan Greenfield, specialist in brain degeneration, believes that given the time young people spend gazing into screens, small and large, about 6 to 9 hours daily, their brains are developing differently from those of previous generations. Her main concern is that computer games could be giving more importance to “process” as opposed to “content. The more we play games, there is less time for learning specific facts and working out how those facts relate to each other. Suppose, the purpose of a game is to free the princess from the tower, it is the thrill of attaining the goal, the process, that counts. What does not count is the content- the personality of the princess and the narrative as to why and how she is there, as in a storybook.

She says that process in isolation becomes addictive. It reduces activation in the prefrontal cortex, and, thus tips the balance away from awareness of the significance, the meaning, of our actions. So, games in which I kill lots of people with my sword, deals not with the significance of killing and injuring lots of villains, but with the process- the action separated from meaning and consequences.

The ultimate triumph of process over content, she says, can result in the Nobody scenario. Individuality could be eliminated in favor of a passive state, reacting to a flood of incoming sensations- a ‘yuck’ and ‘wow’ mentality. The importance is on momentary experience. The landscape of the brain shifts to one where personalized brain connectivity is either not functional or absent altogether. Scary, isn’t it ?

Coming back to Samu and her demand for an email id, all rational reasons were stoutly opposed. Finally, she was given access to one of her mom’s email id. It was thrilling to watch her as she shot off the first email in her life to her friend in the same building with ‘I am bored. What are you doing?’ followed by a phone call. She promptly got a response ‘ I am also bored’.

Seeing me blog, she now wants a blog of her own. To which I responded, Be my guest!